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Коктейль: Кабала, психология, хасидус, и разные приправы.

Рав Меир Брук. Персональный сайт о загадках и ресурсах еврейской традиции в современном мире для современного читателя. О воспитании, о каббале, о хай-теке, о внимании, о возрастных кризисах и т.д. Автор - работает над созданием русскоязычной еврейской общины в Jewish center of Brighton Beach - Бруклин, Нью-Йорк. Read more...

Bar-Mitzva speech.
Written by M. Bruk   
Saturday, 05 February 2011 12:42- 6мин. чтения
There are no translations available.

Господа коллеги.
Это - черновик речи по-английски для моего ученика на церемонию Бар-мицвы.
Просьба прочитать и оценить и выдать замечания....

There is a special wisdom in Jewish tradition which helps person to pass challenging periods in his life.

I found out through the classes with rabbi Meir Bruk – that there is a theory of age crisises in person life. The main quality of this time – person feels that he cannot live as he lived before.

The most famous crisis age is teenager age – about 13 years old boy starts to behave in very strange way.

The person wants to express his independence and he starts to argue with his parents acting opposite to what they suggest him.

Usually it is painful period for both kids and parents.

Everybody passes this age and it is not clear for person how to survive with less suffering.

Jewish tradition gives deep answer to this situation.
It explains that every person has some powers which start to express themselves and we need to help them to develop in right way.

13 years is the time when boy starts his change to adult life.

There are many changes in the body (like activated hormones) which push person to act.

And when boy starts to argue with parents (often insulting them) it means that he is looking for tools to prove that he becomes more independent.

The easiest way to try to prove his independence is to listen to parents and to act opposite way. You don’t need to think by yourself, just listen – and do opposite.

But easiest doesn’t mean right one.

How to react right way?

At first, we don’t need to bring pain to our parents.

We should sit together and understand that our relations need do be transformed gradually.

We should express to our parents our appreciation of what they do for us and how they care about us.

We don’t need just to act opposite their opinions.

We need to find (together with parents) some areas, where we feel that we can start to make our own mature decisions.

We should persuade our parents, that it gives us chance to express our new level of independence.

And the most important is that we should realize that freedom and independence means – responsibility and not just making opposite.

Usually teenagers – to prove to themselves their status – decide to join crowd of other teenagers in their attempt to prove their freedom by some strange activities.

To join crowd means – escape from parents care.
But such a freedom not give responsibility but means escape personal responsibility.

Jewish tradition helps us to receive right message – through the right story from the Bible.

The commentary to Torah gives us story of Abraham and the Tower of Babylon.

Tower of Babylon in this story represents the drive to join the crowd and escape responsibility.

When king Nimrod ordered to all Empire to build a tower – it was a stupid idea, but when everybody joins it – it is very difficult to tell to yourself – stop for a moment! Think by yourself! May be crowd is not always right. Make your own conscious choice.

And in our story it was the only one person, who find inner strength not to follow temptation of easy escape. It was Abraham. He told to himself: “I understand the inner meaning of this tower – it is just idea of crowd - to show to the Father in the heaven that they want to act opposite to his opinion”.

Originally the idea of Tower was – to avoid suffering from the Flood.
But idea of Flood had moral meaning - to punish people for bad deeds.
So, the right message of Flood for people was – “People, don’t to bad, do good and kind deeds!”

But people decide to express their approach. We will continue to act bad! And if our “Father” wants to punish us once more – we escape flood by climbing the Tower.

So, to moral challenge they suggest technological decision – complete misunderstanding of G-d’s message.
But for people around it was “the crowd truth” – if crowd joins the project – it means “It is right”.

And Abraham recognized the danger of such approach. Instead of self-growth we just want to escape punishment. And we hide from personal responsibility by joining the crowd.

And when he realized it – he find courage to be the only person in the world who decided not to join the crowd.

Due to his mature act – G-d chooses him to be the first Jew – “Ivri”. Ivri (from Hebrew) means – “to cross to the opposite side of the river”. It means that all world can be in the one side, but if I realize that crowd is wrong and I know the right answer I am ready to oppose the crowd and to stand at the opposite side.
So, this story was the test for Abraham. And he passed this test and G-d rewarded Avraham for his readiness to move his way, by starting Jewish nation from him.

It was the message for the Jewish nation – to have power to oppose the crowd and to take responsibility for the right decision.

And it was also message from Jewish nation to the world around. Crowd doesn’t automatically means the truth. We should start to think, to analyze and we should have courage to do right things even if the world all around us choose easier way to escape challenge, we need to pass this challenge.
Jewish sages tell us that this story expresses the message of Bar-Mitsva – jewish answer to teenager challenge.

So, instead of arguing with my parents – as most teenagers do,

I want to tell them – how I love them and how I appreciate their care and wisdom.

I want to start to prepare to independent life.

But I am ready:
Not just to oppose parents,
And not just to join the crowd.

I invite my parents – to help me to release gradually their burden of caring about me. I want to start to participate in making serious decisions about my life.

And I understand that this is the gradual process. So, I want my parents to help me to become gradually independent from them. It helps me and my parents – to make this step not painful but pleasant for both sides. and gives to our relation the quality of maturity.

It is the Jewish answer to the challenge of «teenager challenge».

And I want to express my gratitude to rabbi Meir Bruk – who gave me access to this wisdom. His classes help me to understand myself deeper. And also they help me to create strong bonds with my father who cares about me. We participate classes together. And it was a pleasure to learn something together with father. We both feel joy from being involved in the process of learning about human nature.

And one more message that I received from rabbi Meir. Most kids have a dream to receive Degree and to finish learning. For most kids learning means to be kid, and adult life means – not to bother oneself by boring classes.

And rabbi Meir’s classes help me to understand another Jewish insight.
Human nature is the very deep topic. And we need to learn about ourselves. The more we grow, the more we need to learn about our growth – to do it in right way. So, Jewish nation learns about themselves all life.

Rabbi Meir told me that he almost finished his book about “Jewish secrets of personal growth”. Now this book is in Russian but we asked him to make English version of his materials and our family wants to continue to learn from his wisdom and it is real pleasure to know more about ourselves.

So, thank you my parents for all you made for me an you will make for me and thank you rabbi Meir for your wisdom which helped me to understand – what does it mean to start mature life in right way.


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